Sunday, December 12, 2010

My Own Worst Enemy....

...yes...I do believe that...I am my own worst enemy...my harshest critic...my standard-setter to (perhaps) unreachable heights...

...Christmas baking is underway....I'm hoping to have it all finished by this Wednesday...and I am totally trying to decide if I'm happy with any of it...I don't know why I'm doubting myself...they taste great...maybe it's because I've felt generally  unmotivated for the past couple of weeks...why?....not quite sure...but I think it's the day job...I always tell myself I'm going to get out of retail...and year after year...here I am...even after getting a degree...here I am...and you know what?...it's fucking draining...I guarantee you a lot of people will say...what's so hard about it?...if you're talking about what it takes to do the job...not too much...I always say, 'it's retail, not rocket science'...and that's true...it's not difficult...I do it because it's my comfort zone...though I will tell you...most days/nights I come home and feel absolutely drained from having to be 'on'...the nights I pull into my lot at home, sit there for a few minutes and keep myself from breaking down are too numerous to count...

...what does this have to do with baking?...maybe not a damn thing...but I believe that you shift energies around in your life...I want to take the energy and joy I have when I cook and bake and put it into the less than stellar moments of daily life....I'm afraid I'm doing the exact opposite and taking all the drain and exhaustion and it's dampening my energy in the kitchen...no bueno...not at all...

...okay....time to buck up...and hunker down...step back...BREATHE....and make a serious shift...

...what do you get out of it?....a few photos...before I head to bed, I'm going to whip up a batch of wine biscuit dough and let it chill overnight...I happily have a couple of hours to bake tomorrow...



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